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When I Finally Do It, Will I Have Done Everything I Wanted To Do?

by Cave Point

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1.
2.
Fall 03:21
3.
4.
Alarm 04:14
“I’m gonna do the John Mayer, you know what I’m saying? The John Mayer?” “I know what you’re saying”
5.
Oversharing 03:06
I know I’m oversharing like this but it seemed…it seemed like a good time.
6.
Worried 07:14
A long time ago, back when I was, still in high school, I remember walking down the hall and I had like some sort of anxiety attack, not really it was more like, I was worried. I wasn’t breathing very hard, I wasn’t, I wasn’t you know having mental spasms, I was just WORRIED because I looked around and I saw that everyone was looking at me, and no one really was, I don’t think they were, at the very least but just the idea of having that crowd look at you, something beyond like just caught me on the spot, but as I continued on through the year, I made friends, so I had to like mature quickly, I kind of realized that, it’s not that I don’t need, it’s not that I shouldn’t be, shouldn’t be afraid of eyes looking at me, it’s that I shouldn’t care because it doesn’t matter. They can think whatever they think, they’re people too, they have that option but shouldn’t let their thoughts, ones that you cannot control, control you. You know? It limits your, your ability, your chance to shine to be too focused on everyone else, should be focused on yourself and that creates you but it’s not easy to come out of, no wait it is easy to come out of, all you need to do, is just not care and once you stop caring about what people think, what they look like and what they do and start focusing on you, you’re, you’re free.
7.
Golden Box 01:23
You’ve changed a lot as a person. I don’t know who you are anymore. You’re so different now. We used to look at each other from at least 5 foot distance and there used to be something… an understanding… an acknowledgement but now you’ve just got a lot of hate in your heart and I hope it comes out. I hope it stops… cause I’ve seen the good and I want it… She makes me feel… like an EMPTY… GOLDEN… BOX
8.
Gibberish 04:47
[GIBBERISH THROUGHOUT]
9.
House 06:10
“Alright.” “Should we do a do a test before we…” “Yeah, let’s keep testing ‘er” The Payless nearby is closing A man is sleeping on the subway He’s got a Spider-Man tattoo I talked to my partner this morning and we lamented a death Told me 88 years old was old enough I haven’t touched this thing in a minute Casual conversation keeps centrifugal force alive I was afraid of that but I wasn’t afraid of that but I was afraid of that but I wasn’t afraid of that but I was afraid of that too What was that you said again? I can’t remember what you said I’m sitting, sitting in bed and she’s angry at me and I’m looking at my bank account and it’s low, she’s really angry at me and I can’t tell why and I look out the window and everything is not where it should be. I think the HOUSE is in another place, I think the HOUSE across the street is not the HOUSE that I know and I don’t dare to walk outside because something gives me the creeps, major major creeps but I’m sitting here in the HOUSE and I’m trying to find my way around and it’s kind of like, everything is slightly flipped and it’s just a very anxious experience very anxious and it’s very angry and it reflects a state of mind... my take.
10.
I’ve been thinkin’ a lot lately about people and how they’re really negative and how it sucks and how unnecessary it is. I was on the phone with this old woman and she was really sweet and she wanted to donate things to our costume department and I guess she just kind of wanted to talk too, because she was telling me things out of nowhere that was just completely uncalled for but just seemed really fitting for that moment. She told me that I just need to do things at my own pace to never stop learning and to just do the best that I can and like I said it was completely uncalled for but it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. I feel like I’ve been struggling at processing emotions lately but when things like that happen, it just makes me glad to be alive.
11.
No 03:16
Alright, listen, you listening? Alright, stand up Turn to your right Alright, you listening? Alright, open your eyes Yeah that’s right, your eyes were supposed to be closed the whole time Alright, now close your eyes Did you open them yet? No! Sit down! That’s it, you did it Congratulations This is your certification Certified you can put this on a sticker One of those spiky wow stickers and tell them to shove it Thank you Duermete mi niño Duermete mi amor Duermete pedazo de mi corazon

about

NEO30

This album is not about suicide but when I was really in a dark place the phrase "When I Finally Do It, Will I Have Done Everything I Wanted To Do?" kept floating in my head and the answer to that question is "No". May we all find peace before we shed ourselves from this mortal coil.

credits

released August 21, 2020

Recorded January 2017 - June 2020
Mixed in July 2020
Recorded in Chicago, IL, Evansville, IN, Appleton & Jacksonport, WI
Recorded, mixed, produced by Cave Point
Additional recording of Drums & Keys by Justis Clayton

Cave Point - Background vocals, guitar, piano, drums except:
Track 2 - Drums by Justis Clayton
Track 4 - Guitar and vocals by Andy Jones
Track 5 - Voicemail by Anonymous
Track 6 - Voicemail by RadRighteous. Contains a sample from the song “Dust & Ashes” by Josh Groban from the musical Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812.
Track 7 - Voicemails by Kurt J. and Mary Celeste
Track 9 - Vox by John Bebeau & Justis Clayton, drums by Justis Clayton, voicemails by Meys. Contains an interpolation of “Pyramid Song” by Radiohead.
Track 10 - Voicemails by Brittany Scheffler and McNugget
Track 11 - Keys by Justis Clayton, voicemails by ELOS and RadRighteous

artwork by Bran

Album also contains various field recordings that were recorded on an iPhone and are mostly incomprehensible.

Thank you to: Tina, neo-detritus, Meys, Nicky & AL, RadIsh discord, G-U, Andy Jones, and all of you for listening.

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Cave Point Wisconsin

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